


You Are My Way Home

by thesaltybitch



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Blow Jobs, Brother/Brother Incest, Brothers, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Language, Loki is a mess, M/M, Rape, Sibling Incest, Smut, Thor is a good brother, Underage Drinking, estranged family, my boys deserve a happy ending, rated for thematic material and language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaltybitch/pseuds/thesaltybitch
Summary: When Loki found out he was adopted, he blew out of the house. Ever since then he's been making ends meet in a small town just a couple hours away from where Thor is at school, pursuing a career against the wishes of his father.During a weekend visit to see his brother that has been long overdue, Loki comes to realize something that maybe he isn't prepared to handle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'M BACK!
> 
> And I come to you now with my first attempt at a chapter fic. 
> 
> If you want ages, Thor is 21 here and Loki is around 19-20yrs old. I tagged underage to be safe, so if that bothers you there it is. 
> 
> I sent it for a very cursory review on grammar, but this is still essentially un-beta'd. IF anybody is interested in beta-ing for this fic, please DM me. I could use some help with continuity. 
> 
> All I want at the end of the day is just fluff and undying love for my boys...
> 
> Enjoy!

“He’s cute.” 

Loki looked up from his book with a start, having forgotten where he was for a moment. A kind looking girl was standing next to him, folding her laundry on top of the washer next to him. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a slightly offset ponytail and she looked exhausted but pleasant. 

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked, sitting up out of a slouch and running a hand over his face. 

“Your boyfriend,” she said, nodding towards the back of the room. “He’s cute. You make a nice couple.”

Loki glanced the direction she’d indicated and almost burst out laughing. 

“We’re not a couple,” he corrected, regaining his composure. “That’s ah, haha, that’s my brother.”

“Oh,” She frowned at him, unconvinced. “Ok. Still cute, though.”

“So people tell me,” Loki said dryly but not disagreeing. 

“Yeah well, you’re not so bad yourself,” she offered, her eyes flickering over him briefly.

She packed the last shirt into her laundry basket and smiled at him before hiking it up onto her hip and waltzing out the door. Loki watched her leave, a smile playing at his lips at the exchange, but the thing is it wasn’t the first time somebody had mistaken them for a couple. 

“Almost done!” 

Thor was striding towards him, his thick arms bulging out of his red hoodie as he carried a mountain of clean laundry over. His hair was pulled back into a loose bun at the nape of his neck, but several strands had escaped and hung around his face. 

“Maybe next time you won’t wait until I’m in town to do this?” Loki said archly, waving his book to indicate. 

Thor grinned, pushing up his sleeves. “Nah.”

“You’re a jackass,” Loki rolled his eyes. “I thought you said you were almost done?”

“Actually, yeah,” Thor nodded. “Got about ten minutes left on the dryer and we can get outta here.”

“Well, that’ll leave us about,” Loki looked at his watch. “Two hours before Darcy’s party starts and I’m not going in this.” He gestured at his current clothes.

Thor eyed him knowingly. “We’re going to be so late.”

Loki smirked. 

“Are we hitting the liquor store on the way back?”

“Obviously,” Thor said. He backed away as the dryer sounded. “Hey, do me a favor, take that out to the truck while I get the rest of it?”

Loki looked at him incredulously. “Absolutely not.”

“Thanks, little brother!” Thor said over his shoulder, laughing that irritating, oldest-sibling laugh that meant he knew Loki would do it anyway. 

Of course, he was right. Loki glared daggers at his brother, but he slid off the washer he’d been sitting on and shoved his book into the side of the laundry basket and hefted it up with considerably less ease than Thor.

An hour and a half and a trip to the liquor store later they were finally back at Thor’s apartment. Loki had showered and dried his hair and was currently standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his middle, applying a little bit of liner. 

“You know this is a casual thing, right?” Thor asked, walking by the doorway with a beer in hand and his phone in the other. “Like you don’t have to look extra nice.”

Loki gave him a bored look. “Peasants. All of you.”

“Alright, sorry,” Thor laughed. “Your hair looks good, though.”

“Thanks.” Loki squinted at himself and added a little more to one side to even things out. 

He tossed the liner back in his bag and ran a hand over his hair, eyeing his appearance critically. Good enough, he supposed. He had always gotten shit for how he invested in his appearance, but he was a far cry from being bothered by it any more. He’d worn some kind of makeup since grade school when Frigga had bought him a little vampire makeup kit from the halloween store. He’d loved the dramatic black eyes and hoarded the cheap little palette and brush for months before his mom had taken pity on him and bought him a nice palette and a little eyeshadow brush. 

He hung his towel up and changed into a pair of black jeans and rifled through his backpack for the rest of his outfit. He emerged from the bathroom with two tops. 

“Is that what you’re wearing?” he asked, finding Thor lying on his bed looking at his phone.

He’d just changed his shirt and added a jean jacket on top of his red hoodie. 

“Yes,” Thor said. “And I’m ready to go, unlike somebody…”

Loki rolled his eyes and held up a shirt in either hand. “Which one?”

Thor considered them for a moment before pointing to the one on the left. “I like the tank top.” 

Loki nodded in agreement, satisfied, and threw the rejected option at his brother’s face. Thor caught it without even looking and threw it back. Bastard. Loki carefully pulled the tank over his head and then finished things off with an old leather jacket that he’d lovingly beat the hell out of through years of use. He patted his pockets to make sure he had a lighter in there somewhere and found one in the inner breast pocket. He turned and headed into Thor’s mini kitchen.

“You ready?” Thor asked. 

“Almost,” He called, rummaging in Thor’s cabinets for a shot glass and pouring himself a double of whiskey. 

He tossed it back in a long swallow and bared his teeth as it burned down his throat. God, he loved it. That should set him up nicely for the evening. He sauntered back into Thor’s bedroom.

“I’m ready,” he said, kicking at Thor’s boot this his own. “Let’s go before Darcy starts calling me.”

“Perfect timing, our Uber is almost here,” Thor pushed himself up off the bed and Loki followed him out the door. 

———————

Darcy’s party was in full swing by the time they showed up. She was a couple years older than Loki and Thor, but they’d all been friends since middle school. By chance she’d ended up at the same school Thor had settled on and they’d been able to remain close.

Loki helped himself to a drink and sidled his way out to the large balcony. Gods above, he’d forgotten how easily she flaunted her family money. From the huge stock of decent liquor to the killer apartment, she oozed privilege like it was in her DNA. Her family was old money and she’d essentially never have to work a day in her life if she didn’t want to. Fortunately Darcy was a driven person with some ambitions, so she was pursuing a career in law and absolutely crushing it, but that didn’t mean she’d forgotten how to party…

He found a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and lit up, turning to lean on the balcony and look down at the street below. The door slid open behind him.

“You little bastard!” 

He blew a thin stream of smoke away from the door before turning to greet his friend. 

“Darcy.”

She had her long brown hair swept to one side and a brilliant shade of red lipstick on. She looked damn good. 

“Come here,” She practically body slammed him as she pulled him into a fierce hug. “I missed the shit outta you.”

Loki laughed and returned the hug tightly, careful not to spill his drink.

“God, how did Thor let you out looking like this, ” she said, releasing her grip to hold him at arm’s length and look him over appreciatively. “You look good, boo.”

Loki laughed and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead, “So do you, babe. How’ve you been?”

“Ugh, law school is killing me,” she said with a dramatic sigh, linking arms with him and leaning back against the railing. “But I’m absolutely loving it. What about you? What have you been doing?”

“Taking some time off to figure out what I’m doing, actually,” Loki pulled a drag off the cigarette and turned his head to blow the smoke away from her.

“Going on two years of that, sweetie,” Darcy plucked the cigarette out of his hand. “You any closer to figuring that out?”

She’d never been one to mince words, this girl, always went straight for the kill. She was going to make an incredible lawyer.

Loki smiled at her lopsidedly. “Not really.”

“Hmm,” Darcy regarded him seriously, letting smoke stream out of her nostrils. “You still working that barista gig?”

Loki nodded. “Yeah. I do some freelance graphic design on the side, some website building, programming, that kinda thing. Money’s decent.”

“Keeps you close,” she said pointedly, involuntarily glancing inside. 

Loki followed her gaze. Thor.

“I—“

“Don’t defend yourself, Laufeyson,” She cut him off. “You know it doesn’t work with me.”

Loki sighed. “Okay, fine.”

She hummed, satisfied, and handed the cigarette back. “He needs you.”

“I know.”

“And you need him, too.”

Loki cleared his throat and avoided her unnervingly keen gaze. He put the cigarette out on the ashtray next to him.

“Say it.”

“Fuck, okay, yeah, I know.”

“Good boy,” She smiled at him. “Since we cleared that up, when are you gonna move in here with me?”

He choked on his drink, making her laugh and pat him firmly on the back. 

“Come on! It’s lonely for me out here, I could use a friend.”

“I have a good job, Darce,” he said, recovering and straightening, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I like it and I’m surviving.”

“You know I’m only trying to get you out here so we can hang out more,” she winked at him. “But whatever you say, as long as you’re happy.”

“I am.”

She gave him a smile. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. For both of you.”

“Yeah, well, you and me both.”

She looked at him intently and evidently okay with what she saw, pulled him into a tight side hug. “Let’s get you another drink and get you inside to mingle. As much as a I love your snarky little ass, I do have other guests tonight.”

She pushed him gently back through the door and pointed him towards the kitchen, giving him a kiss on the cheek and laughing as she scrubbed the red print off before vanishing into the mass of guests. Loki was still smiling when he sidled through the crowd of people to pour himself another gin and tonic. 

He ran into Tony Stark shortly afterward, a friend of Darcy’s whom she loved dearly. They were similar in their quick cut humor and no bullshit attitudes. It would have been fun to watch them battle it out in court, but Tony was in the sciences. Loki presumed this was a good thing because if the two of them fought in court it would have ended in blood. 

The party went on. He was feeling quite warm and comfortable by the time he made his way back to the makeshift bar in the kitchen for the third time that night when he ran into the one person he was least expecting. 

“Oh my god, Loki Laufeyson…”

Loki looked up.

“Sif,” He said, pausing momentarily before offering her the bottle of gin. 

She shook her head, raising her glass that was already full. “Wow, it has been a long time, how have you been?”

Loki shrugged. “Pretty good. What about yourself?”

“Going to school here,” she said simply. “Communications.”

“That’s…good.” 

Loki wasn’t quite sure what was happening. Normally he would have just left it at that and moved on, but he was a little tipsy and a little more than caught off guard. Sif was an old high school girlfriend of Thor’s and he’d always gotten the feeling she didn’t like him even though he’d never done anything to warrant any kind of feelings either way. He’d never really bothered himself with it, but he’d also never spoken more than a couple of phrases to her in the entire year Thor had dated her. 

“Are you going to school out here?” she asked. 

Loki shook his head. “Just visiting my brother for the weekend. I live a couple hours from here.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

Loki didn’t miss the flicker of something that flashed in her eyes. 

“He’s here, by the way,” he said, gesturing with his cup. “Did you not see him yet?”

She glanced at Thor’s hulking profile across the way. As usual, he was surrounded by the giant crowd of the admirers he seemed to pick up anywhere he went. 

“Oh, um, no, I haven’t managed to say hi yet.”

“Are you still awkward around him?” Loki rolled his eyes, surrendering to the buzz of alcohol and the glorious lack of inhibition that went along with it. “Sif, honey, it’s been three years. Surely you’ve moved on. He’d be thrilled if you said hi.”

She laughed, seeming to lighten up a little. “Oh, no, yeah, it’s not that at all, I just…” she frowned slightly, little lines appearing between her perfect brows. “I just—sorry, are you two not together now?”

Loki stared at her. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she flushed all the way up to her roots. “Christ, I am so overstepping my place right now. Forget I said anything. Um, yeah, I’ll see you around.”

She turned frantically and moved out of the kitchen with a sense of purpose. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Loki felt like it took forever for her back to disappear into the crowd of people, the back of her neck betraying the same flush that had crept over her face. What the fuck were people on in this town? Jesus.

He tipped back his almost completely full drink in one go and searched the sea of faces for Thor’s profile. Standing at six-foot-four with the wingspan of a freight train, he wasn’t exactly hard to find. Loki spotted him by the fire place that Darcy had turned on to keep out the autumn chill.

Loki sidled his way over to check in with him, feeling the shot of gin hit him about halfway over. He stumbled as he reached the fireplace and fully expected to smash his face into the brick hearth he saw rush up at him, but was caught by a thick, steady arm. 

“Careful, brother,” Thor’s deep voice rumbled above him, amused. “You might let people know you can’t hold your alcohol.”

Loki snorted and righted himself, patting Thor on the arm gratefully. “You know I can drink all of you under the table with the cheap shit.”

“Are you ready to leave already?” Thor asked. 

_Sorry, are you two not together now?_ Loki shook his head vigorously and almost made himself nauseous. 

“No, no, I’m good,” Loki smiled at him. 

Damn, gin most definitely wasn’t his drink tonight. Thor’s concern was clear even through the haze of a buzz. Nothing big, just a slight furrow of the brow and the barest hint of a downward turn at the corner of his mouth, but Loki found it endlessly endearing. He could feel the heat of Thor’s body radiating beneath his fingertips. 

He snatched his hand away and blinked. “I’m great. Just wanted to check in and see how you were.”

Thor smiled warmly and hooked an elbow around his neck to pull him in close. One of those older-brother vice grips that somehow felt intimidating and safe all at the same time. 

“I’m great,” Thor said affectionately, squeezing him tight and releasing him. 

“Perfect,” Loki felt short of breath. 

He looked around the room and caught eyes with a curly-haired blonde across the room, his blue eyes licking up over Loki’s form with obvious intent. He felt something warm stir in him and he wasn’t sure where it was coming from, but he knew where he wanted to direct it. Loki caught the blonde’s eye long enough to understand.

“Don’t wait up for me,” he told his brother. “I can call an uber home.”

He didn’t know if Thor responded or not, but he moved towards the blond and the next thing he remembered was the warm slide of tongue against his teeth.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki does the morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here y'all go! 
> 
> I've got this planned out for five chapters so we're almost halfway there. Poor Loki, he's a disaster. It's a good thing he has Thor around.
> 
> Again, this is un-beta'd and edited by myself. I've reworked this chapter so many times my eyes want to bleed, so I'm sure there are things I missed before posting it. Please let me know if you catch anything that I need to fix! 
> 
> Enjoy!

His tongue was fuzzy. That was the first thought that made its way into his brain when he came to. 

Loki blinked himself slowly into consciousness. The bed beneath him smelled like old cigarette smoke and sex. A moment of panic gripped him when he realized there was somebody else in his bed, and then realized it wasn’t his bed to begin with. A couple of of fragments of the night came rushing back. He remembered heat, sweat, tangled limbs, and something new, an edge of desperation and confusion that tainted the experience in a whole new way. It was far from the first time he’d woken up in a stranger’s bed, but those first seconds of disorientation never got any less weird.…or any less terrifying, for that matter. 

His head felt too big for his body and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Fuuuck. He slowly brought his hands beneath him and propped himself up on the mattress. Beside him was a head of curly, blonde hair, its owner still deep asleep. He took stock of last night’s mistakes with a cursory sweep of his gaze, lingering momentarily in the dip of the man’s lower back before it swelled into his ass. Not his worst choice, but somehow that made him feel worse.

Fortunately or not, this was exactly how Loki preferred things to go. He would much rather leave before the other person woke up so, praying he wasn’t so hungover he needed to puke, he slid quietly from the bed and began the search for his clothes. He found his pants at the base of the bed, his shirt on the floor, and when he ventured a little further from the bedroom he found his leather jacket strewn across the couch next to one of his boots. 

He found his other boot and pulled it on, not pausing to bother with the laces that he would inevitably trip on later. He pushed his arms into the jacket and headed for the kitchen, a surprisingly quaint little kitchen that was well-kept and clean. Loki scrounged up a couple ibuprofen from a cabinet, chugged a glass of water as best he could, cobbled together a peanut butter sandwich with supplies he found in the neatly kept shelves by the fridge. If he didn't eat first thing he would definitely throw up. He shoved the food into his mouth and took care to move quietly as he slipped out the front door and into the hallway. 

Lights sputtered at him as he trudged along the ancient carpet towards the elevators. It was an old building but the floor didn’t creak beneath him so it was better than most. He hit the down button and closed his eyes for the short ride downstairs back to the lobby. 

It was bright when he stepped outside, making him squint as he pulled his phone out he flicked open the screen to find a couple missed calls from Darcy and several from Thor. His stomach twisted. He wasn’t sure if it was from the hangover or something else, but he pushed the feeling away and just called a ride and slumped onto the curb to wait.

He was relieved to find Thor’s place was dark when he got there and staggered in using the key he’d been given back when he’d first moved in. Thor had told him it was his place whenever he wanted to use it, the sentimental bastard. Loki would never admit to anybody, but he coveted Thor’s emotional intelligence when it came to him no matter how much he shit talked him for it. It had been a long time since he’d belonged anywhere and Thor had always taken great pains to make sure he knew he was wanted.

Speaking of Thor, his brother was in bed and snoring gently, barefoot but still in his jeans from last night. Loki stopped in the bedroom doorway for a long moment, watching his chest rise and fall. Whenever he got the chance to visit Thor it was usually a whirlwind of activity for the short 24 hours he was in town and then he was gone. He rarely got a second to breathe and now that he had one he felt loneliness suck into his chest like a punch. It had taken some time and he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he missed his brother. Fiercely. So much so that there were nights that he lay awake feeling like he couldn’t breathe from the loneliness. 

The guilt hit him hard. He turned away and tried valiantly to push the feeling of emptiness to the back of his brain. Normally Thor’s presence was enough to calm his inner dialogue to a dull roar, but today it was just making it worse. Loki headed into the bathroom for a much-needed shower. He took his time and let the water run over him, scrubbing old smoke and sweat off, somehow feeling like if he scrubbed extra hard he might scrub the stink of guilt off as well. 

He was in the kitchen making a second breakfast when Thor finally padded into the room rubbing his eyes and looking like a train wreck and a half. 

“Morning sleepy,” Loki said, sliding the ibuprofen bottle across the counter. 

Thor gave a muffled grunt and managed to catch it before it fell to the floor. His hair was hanging loose and wild, a halo of tangles around his face. He was still wearing the jeans but he’d ditched his shirt and his torso was covered in little red sleep lines from the sheets. Loki felt the corner of his lip tug upward fondly.

“Have a good night?” Thor rasped, squinting at Loki as he shuffled past to the fridge. 

Loki wrinkled his nose. “Not really.”

Thor snorted as he pulled open the fridge. He’d always been built like a tank and Loki was reminded of this as he absently watched Thor’s back muscles gather and release as he poured himself a glass of orange juice. 

“Mmm. I can’t say I would have pegged Fandral for your type,” Thor said, turning around with a full glass.

Loki winced. “Oh.”

“You didn’t even know his name, did you?”

Loki raised his hands helplessly as Thor leaned back against the counter and took a sip of juice, his expression damning. 

“You are a terrible person.”

“Goddddd,” Loki pushed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and scrubbed harshly. 

_Why_ did he feel so guilty?

“I’m kidding,” Thor insisted, giving him a look. “And trust me, no harm done. Fandral’s no angel.”

“That’ doesn’t make me feel much better.” Loki griped. “I take it you’re not friends?”

“Hardly.” Thor’s expression hardened slightly, just a slight tightening of his lips and a glimpse of flint in his eyes, but Loki didn’t miss it. 

“Thank the gods,” Loki said. “ _Jesus_ , Thor, why do you let me do this to myself?”

“I can’t tell you what to do, Lokes,” Thor said, looking very much like he wished he could.

“Yeah, well, sometimes I wish you’d try,” Loki sighed deeply and looked down at his food, suddenly finding he had lost his appetite. “Do you want this? I’m not hungry.”

Thor frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Loki pushed the plate at him. “Dig in. I’m gonna have a smoke.”

He snatched his jacket from the chair he’d set it on earlier and fished in the pocket for a pack and a lighter before shrugging into it and reaching for the door. 

“I thought you said you were quitting,” Thor said abruptly.

Loki paused with his hand on the doorknob. When he met Thor’s gaze it didn’t condemn him like he was expecting, instead it was gentle and almost…disappointed? He looked away. 

“I was.” 

He didn’t wait for a response and stepped out into the chilly, autumn morning. 

 

———

 

The smoke was acrid in his throat. He took a long pull deep into his lungs and turned the corner at the end of Thor’s block, exhaling slowly into the crisp air. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he moved here like Darcy had been pushing him to do for ages, ever since Thor had decided to go to school here. 

He could move up and stay with Thor while he job hunted. Lord knows his brother could afford it, even after Odin had cut his funding in half. He had been furious when Thor announced he was going to pursue environmental science in college, refusing the athletic scholarship he’d been offered for football. Thor had stood his ground, but it cost him.

Loki put the cigarette out on the sidewalk with a huff. He’d sealed himself out of the family money a long time ago, but he didn’t resent Thor for any of it. Somebody should get an education off the old man’s dime and Thor was a much more reliable candidate for that.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, remembering exactly how he’d gotten cut out of the family with no small amount of bitterness. Technically it was his fault. He’d found out he was adopted and blown out of the house at seventeen. Of course Frigga, bless her, had tried to talk to him but he’d been too angry at the time and by the time he could see past the red it was too late. Thor was the only one he kept contact with.

“Loki!”

He looked around as a car pulled up next to him along the curb.

“Loki, hey!” Darcy was practically falling out the window in an effort to get his attention. “I’ve been following you for like, half the block! I’m headed to get coffee, you in?”

He nodded, gathering himself mentally and walking to her car.

“You obsessed with me or something?” he teased lightly, trying to ease his own mood as he climbed into the passenger side.

“God, who isn’t?” she drawled dramatically, batting her eyelashes at him and turning to look before the pulled out into the street again. “That hair? Those eyes? Come on. But for real, what’re you doing out here by yourself?”

“Thinking too much,” Loki said honestly.

“Ew,” Darcy said. “That sounds horrible.”

Loki hummed in agreement.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain individual you left my house with last night, would it?” She gave him a sidelong glance, those sharp eyes missing nothing. 

Ugh. That again. He grimaced.

“Ooh, did you spend the night?” 

“Can we not talk about this?”

“Oh my god, you beast, you totally spent the night!” she cackled gleefully and slapped his shoulder. 

”Can we please not go there right now? I feel like shit,” Loki said miserably. “Please tell me he’s not somebody I’ll see regularly if I’m around you.”

She shook her head. “Fandral’s an acquaintance, but that’s it. More of a friend-by-proxy than an actual friend. You’re safe.”

“Oh, thank god.”

The town wasn’t that big and only five minutes had passed when they pulled into a cramped parking lot. She crept through the tight area with practiced ease and swung into an itty-bitty space Loki swore wasn’t going to fit the sizable SUV. 

Darcy hopped out on her side while Loki squeezed his way out of the passenger side and followed her across the lot into the coffee shop. She wasn’t wearing her usual work attire, which consisted of a myriad of suits and pencil skirts, but her casual attire still booked the same no-nonsense attitude and intimidating profile even with her face half buried in a bright red scarf.

Inside was quaint and busier than hell. Darcy grabbed his arm and pressed closed to him as they got in line, pulling her scarf down as she squinted at the menu on the wall. 

Loki stopped trying to get his brain online and let his mind wander as they waited, taking in the art on the chalkboard where the menu was. Maybe he should get a chalkboard for the cafe at his work...he could use the art practice...

“Loki!” 

He jolted back to the present. “Huh?”

“Jesus, what’s with you today?” Darcy asked, giving him an odd look. “I asked what you wanted, it’s our turn to order.”

“Oh, um, just a latte,” he said. He hadn’t realized he’d zoned out for that long.

The pink-haired barista behind the register took their orders and gave them a beaming smile as Loki dropped a five-dollar bill in the tip jar. He waited at the end of the counter while Darcy left him to wander through the cafe to claim a table against the window that caught the sunlight. 

“You’re just picking up admirers left and right,” she commented when he joined her a couple moments later and slid into a seat across from her with their drinks. “That little barista was about to trip over herself over you.”

“What?”

“Oh my god,” Darcy slapped a hand down on the table, making him jump. “Look at me,” she demanded, catching his chin between her fingers and staring him down, her eyes intense. 

“Darce, what the fuck?” he jerked his head away. 

“What is up with you? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you got drugged last night.”

Loki pushed his head into his hands and groaned. 

Darcy sat back in her chair. “Spit it out, Laufeyson.”

“I don’t know if I can,” he complained. “I don’t even know what’s going on.”

She lifted a brow. “Is it Thor?”

He felt his heart speed up and answered a little too quickly. “No.”

She arched a brow. “Are you sure?” 

A series of images and emotions flooded through his mind. Confusing him. Most importantly making him feel like he was drowning. Tears flooded into his eyes and he leaned back abruptly, looking at the grimy ceiling tiles in an attempt to get rid of them. 

Darcy immediately softened. “Loki, honey, what’s going on?”

Loki shrugged. He didn’t know why he felt so badly. He wasn’t a stranger to the shitty day after a one-night stand, he’d certainly been in much worse situations and he’d handled them with a frankly professional level of detachment. Whatever he was feeling today was entirely new and the fact that it seemed to revolve around his brother was even more unsettling and confusing. He just wanted to go home and be with him until he had to leave to get home for work.

Darcy was silent in front of him, not bothering to hide her concern in the lines between her brows.

“Can just you bring me home?” he asked quietly when he felt like he could talk without losing it. 

She nodded and stood and Loki followed her out of the shop. 

——

Thor’s truck wasn’t there when Darcy dropped him off. He gave her a hug and promised to call her later and watched her car pull away before walking up the stairs and letting himself in.

_Went to the store._  
_Text me if you want anything._  
_Thor_

Loki read the note on the fridge as he filled a glass of water. He chugged it and went to the living room and passed out on the couch. 

He woke up to the sound of Thor’s heavy footsteps moving about in the kitchen. It was freezing. 

“Loki?”

“M’ in here.” Lok pushed himself upright, reaching for the blanket on the arm of the couch.

“Why are you sleeping on the couch?” Thor asked, appearing in the doorway with a mug in either hand.

“Dunno.”

“The bed’s free, you moron, why didn’t you just take it?” Thor asked, chuckling and holding out a mug to to him. “Hot chocolate?”

Loki felt a rush of affection fill him and took it eagerly, appreciating the heat that spread through his fingers. 

“I thought you might not be up for a whole lot, so I figured we could chill and watch a movie.”

Loki brightened. “That sounds good.”

“Do I know you or what,” Thor said smugly, grinning down at Loki and setting his own cup down so he could pick up the TV remote.

Loki pulled his knees into his chest, trying to ignore the weird ache that settled into his chest as he watched his brother fiddle with the playstation controller, the tiniest of lines appearing between his brows as he did. Once they agreed to a movie, Thor grabbed his mug and sat down with a thump next to him. 

“Thanks for coming to see me this weekend, by the way,” Thor said, giving him a light bump with his shoulder. “I know it’s hard to get off work.”

“They can deal,” Loki shrugged. “And I missed you.”

Thor looked at him in surprise, but grinned widely, “Aww, you missed me?”

“Don’t make me stab you.”

“You missed me,” Thor said, pleased, his blue eyes crinkling up at the corners. 

“Ugh,” Loki let his head fall back in mock irritation. “You’re insufferable.”

“You love me.” 

There was that flutter in his stomach again. “Gods only know why.”

Thor laughed. 

The rest of the movie passed much the same way. When it finished, Loki convinced Thor to put on a show and they made more hot chocolate. Thor ended up having to change his shirt because he spat out the first sip of hot chocolate on account of Loki, who had spiked it when he wasn’t looking. All the turmoil from earlier in the day seemed to have melted away. It had been months since Loki had been this relaxed, but as the day wore on he had to work harder and harder to postpone the sinking feeling that accompanied the fact he would be leaving soon. 

It was dark by the time the credits began to roll. 

“I should go,” Loki said reluctantly. 

Thor made a disgruntled sound. “No.”

“I gotta make rent,” Loki yawned, stretching his legs out and reaching for his empty mug.

“You know you wouldn’t have that problem if you just moved out here,” Thor said. “You’d find a job out here so easily. I could even get you a bartending job, I know you’ve always wanted to do that.”

Loki looked over at him, shaking his head. “You and Darcy. Relentless, the both of you.”

“We have your best interests at heart,” Thor said airily. “Plus, you could save so much money if you lived here. You could probably pay for those art classes you were looking at taking over the summer.”

“Yeah, well, I’m making it work where I’m at right now,” Loki said, more to convince himself than Thor, although he wasn’t sure why.

“Whatever you say,” Thor shrugged, looking disappointed as he always did whenever they discussed this. 

Loki stood and held his hand out to take Thor’s mug to the kitchen with him. Thor pushed it into his hands and stood with a groan, stretching as he did. Loki loaded the dishes and moved about picking up his belongings and shoving them into the backpack he’d brought with him. It didn’t take long. It never did. 

“Alright, I think I’m all packed,” Loki said, shrugging into his jacket and patting the pockets to make sure he had his keys. 

Thor frowned from his place on the bed. “Do you really have to go?”

“You’re not five, Thor,” Loki said blandly

Thor gave him a look but pushed himself off the bed to follow him the short distance out the door.

“This is stupid, just so you know,” Thor said as they made their way down the steps together, his breath misting into the cold night.

“Your support means everything to me,” Loki said sarcastically.

“You know I support you no matter what you do,” Thor muttered, his arm coming up around Loki’s neck to pull him into a rough hug as they reached the bottom of the stairs outside his house. 

Loki always forgot just how big his brother really was until he hugged him and got swallowed up by two tons of pure muscle. He hugged back, his fingers curling slightly into the soft hoodie stretched across Thor’s back.

If the hug lasted for longer than usual neither one of them mentioned it.

“Take care of yourself,” Thor said when they broke apart, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Only if you do.” Loki countered, slightly breathless.

Before he could read into it, he turned away and walked to his little beater parked by the curb and got in. His hands were shaking slightly as he found the ignition and turned the key over and the car sputtered to life. He raised a hand as he pulled away, feeling the loneliness settle into its usual spot in the pit of his stomach. 

Thor stayed in his rearview mirror, standing motionless with his hands shoved into his pockets until Loki turned the corner at the end of the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh, let me tell you, it was so hard to keep things from spiraling into instant smuttiness! Especially because there's a movie watching scene and I am such a sucker for fluffy couch sex between these two. I'm trying my best to keep this as slow as I can for a five chapter fic and it's KILLING ME. It'll happen, I promise, but I'm trying to write plot for once, dammit. 
> 
> Hopefully y'all enjoyed it??? Let me know what you thought in the comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's life goes to shit for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra love and thanks to my sisters for putting up with my incessant badgering and reading through this for me. It was a shitshow of a chapter until they got their hands on it and suggested various edits. 
> 
> We're slowly crawling our way there, folks! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Months had passed since he’d had visited Thor. It had only been a weekend trip, but he felt like it took him ages to settle back into his normal routine once he got home. Part of that was just how lonely it was in this town. It was small and he’d always had trouble connecting. As adult life would have it, the few friends he did have were coworkers and they rarely had the same time off. He knew it wasn’t fair to compare them, but a lot of times he just wished he had Thor instead. He worked hard to ignore the fact that there was a large, empty hole in his chest whenever he was here, and he was even less inclined to admit that it went away whenever he visited his brother. Needless to say it took everything in his power to drag himself back into the solitary daily grind of work. 

A wayward strand of hair slipped out of the hastily arranged bun on his head and he brought the back of his wrist up to push it out of the way, keeping one hand on the pitcher of milk under the steam wand. He really hadn’t wanted to be working the cafe today but he was hardly in a place to refuse hours, even if he was exhausted to the core. 

“Melissa,” he called, holding up the cup to read the name on it before setting it at the end of the coffee bar. 

A dark haired girl with the thickest eyelashes he’d ever seen stepped up to pick it up. She flashed a flirty smile.

“Do you have cream and sugar?” 

Loki glanced up from the next order, “Um, yeah, behind you on the counter.”

“Ok, thanks,” her cheeks flushed pink. 

She turned away.

Loki grabbed a clean pitcher from the top of the espresso machine and poured a new batch of milk into it. He didn’t see the girl come back with the cream pitcher in her hand. 

“You were out of cream,” she said apologetically, not looking sad in the slightest. 

“I got it.” his coworker sighed, putting down the rag she was working with.

“Thanks, Jane.” Loki scooted forward to let her pass.

The steam wand hissed as he submerged it and balanced the pitcher on the espresso machine and turned to grind espresso, locking the heavy portafilter into place. He pressed the button for a double and waited for the shot to pull, automatically moving to allow Jane access to the fridge below them for cream. The girl took the new pitcher from Jane back to the counter and sashayed out of the shop. Jane stood on her tiptoes to watch her leave, unashamedly craning her neck to watch the girl’s dark hair flicker out of sight. 

“Subtle,” Loki commented dryly.

Jane shushed him and turned with a scowl, slapping a coffee sleeve against his chest. “How? How do they always want you?” 

Loki watched it drop to the floor and saw a number written on it. 

“When did you get this?”

“Just now!” 

“Do you want it?” 

Jane shot him a look. “Yeah, because that’s not creepy. ‘Hi, my name is Jane, you gave my coworker your number but he’s gay but so am I, so I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me instead?’” 

“You never know,” Loki shrugged.

“God, and you even look like hell today,” Jane said, shaking her head. “I don’t know how you do it.”

Loki wasn’t about to contest that. It was the end of the day and he knew he looked rough. On top of extra hours at the cafe, he was also working a couple extra freelance jobs to keep up with his bills. Rent had been raised last month and while it wasn’t by a whole lot it was still enough to put him close to the red every month. Add that to some of the complications with his graphic jobs in the past months and you had all the ingredients for a very ragged Loki. He wasn’t exactly short on work, but the freelance contracts he had right now were smaller gigs that didn’t pay quite as well as he would have liked. 

“What happened to that girl you went out with last week?” he asked, starting up the next drink order.

Jane’s cheeks immediately burned red and she looked away, muttering something incomprehensible.

“Spit it out, Foster,” Loki said, narrowing his eyes.

“It was kind of a disaster,” Jane mumbled, refusing to meet his eye and hastily getting to work on a couple more orders. “Turns out she’s not out to her family yet and her sister was home when we got back to her place.”

“Oh shit,” Loki winced. 

“Yeah, you can imagine how that went down. It was unbelievably awkward.” Jane poured a latte and made a cute little heart at the top. “I just left.”

“Better luck next time,” he offered. 

“I hope so,” Jane said brightly, then frowned slightly. “But honestly, I don’t think that’ll ever happen when you’re around. I gotta start asking for shifts with other coworkers.”

“Oh please, this is nothing. Can you imagine if I was actually competition?” Loki smirked. “I’d smoke you.”

He laughed and ducked as Jane threw a towel at him and then leaned back to check the clock that hung around the corner from the drink station. 

“Hey, you wanna finish these up while I lock the doors?”

Jane nodded. “Quick, lock them before anybody else comes in!”

Loki set to work with closing duties while Jane finished up behind the counter. By the time the last customer trickled out after some very heavy suggestion from both he and Jane, he was done mopping. 

“You ready for this meeting?” Jane asked, finishing cleaning the espresso machine.

Loki made face. “Am I ever?”

He did have things to do, after all, least of which was to finally call Thor back. His brother usually called about once every couple weeks to check in, but it’d been months since he’d managed to answer the phone or call him back. His heart twisted at the thought, but he pushed it away and followed Jane to the office. 

Turns out the meeting was short. 

“You’re shutting this place down,” Loki repeated stupidly, looking his boss in the face.

The world suddenly got very small around him. Beside him Jane dropped into a seat with a thump, stunned. The shop owner, Volstagg, a giant redhead with the demeanor of a jolly dwarf was serious for once behind his huge, bushy beard. 

“I’m so sorry,” he was saying. “It’s an opportunity I can’t miss. I don’t have the means to keep the shop going and we’ll need the money to move across the country--”

Loki didn’t remember hearing a whole lot after that because his ears started ringing. Thoughts began racing through his mind at a million miles an hour. The cafe was his main source of steady income and without it, well, without it he was well and truly fucked. 

He didn’t have a whole lot of options outside of this job, either. Freelance work was at capacity right now and it was unreliable as a source of income. He was a terrible server and had worked most of the places in town, he’d been rejected from most of the office jobs because of his appearance (visible tattoos had been more of a problem than he’d thought)...there weren’t many options left to him. And his lease wasn’t up for the next six months...

Mind whirling, he remembered very little from the rest of the conversation with Volstagg. Something about one more month of pay as recompense, Jane assuring him he was going to be ok, that they would work something out. It would be ok for her, she came from money like Darcy, she would land on her feet. Him, on the other hand...He had no fallback plan and no safety net. Well, there was always Thor...

He shook his head at the thought. He would not be running to his brother for help. Vaguely he registered that his fingers were fumbling for keys and realized he had no idea how he’d gotten home. He couldn’t bring himself to care. The keys made a hollow sound when he dropped them onto the tile inside and he left them there. 

He didn’t bother turning on the lights as he moved through the space on autopilot to get to his computer and check on his most recent freelance piece. It was routine. He always did this when he got home. The screen flickered to life.

_Rendering Failed_

Loki sank down into his chair, staring blankly at the screen. He could feel the blood pounding in his ears. Too loud. One second he was gripping the mouse so hard his fingers hurt and the next it was flying across the room.

It hit the wall with a sharp crack. A stapler followed. Then the tape dispenser. It was a slow, methodical destruction of his workspace, controlled even in his anger and when there was nothing left for him to throw, he just stood in the middle of it, breathing hard. 

He knew it was immature, but it didn’t stop him from feeling a vicious sense of satisfaction through the destruction. He could be an adult about this tomorrow, but tonight he was going to let his emotions take him wherever they wanted. And that’s how he ended up draining the almost full bottle of whiskey he had in the kitchen and ending the night by pitching face forward onto the futon to sleep.

\----

Days from then on passed in a blur. Loki set to work looking for jobs with a vengeance, pushing his workdays with freelance work to the limit as he took on any and all offers he could possibly handle. This wasn’t the first time he’d been dealt a blow like this. He’d made some calculations and he could survive another two months before he was in serious trouble.

He knew he should call Thor. Hell, his brother would be furious if he ever found out. But Loki kept putting it off, pushing it to tomorrow, making excuses not to talk to him. He wasn’t ready to sacrifice his pride just yet. Deep down he knew if he called Thor he wouldn’t be able to resist moving out there with him if he asked. And he always asked. 

So, he ignored Thor’s usual phone calls and kept his head down. Some days he worked sixteen hours. He would have killed for a cigarette, but had stopped that cold turkey. He couldn’t afford a drinking habit, let alone a smoking habit on top of it. He was no stranger to the long workday, but he hardly made it back to his bed at night anymore, either falling asleep at his desk while filling out job applications or taking to the couch and waking up with his face pressed to the pages of a sketchbook. 

He wasn’t stupid, he knew he couldn’t sustain this kind of work without completely losing his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he watched his bank account dwindle every day.

Speaking of stupid. Loki sighed and hit send and leaned back into his chair. Last email of the day and his client was basically asking for an entire rework of the project he’d submitted. Not unusual, but highly irritating after having delivered everything within specifications. His stomach growled at him and glanced at the time. _Shit._ It was already 6pm and he’d had nothing but coffee all day. 

Well, with any luck, his kidneys might fail him before he was out of money. He snorted at the dark thought and pushed himself up from the desk, taking his coffee mug with him to the kitchen. He drained the last few drops before putting it in the sink and forcing himself to look for something to eat. 

Jane, bless her, had swung by with groceries a while back and refused to take no for an answer. She hadn’t even asked, she had just showed up with an arm loaded with reusable bags full of groceries and left them on the doorstep when he protested too much. He’d managed to make it last this long, but he was going to have to go to the store eventually if he wanted to keep living.

Before he could cobble together yet another peanut butter sandwich there was a bold, heavy knock at his door. He frowned. He hadn’t been expecting anybody today and he was really not in the mood to refuse charity again now that Jane had earnestly been telling his few other friends about his situation. She had good intentions, really. 

He was completely caught off guard to open the door to find Thor’s giant frame looming at the threshold. He was bundled in a leather jacket, deep red gloves, and a black beanie, his hair tumbling out of the base in a mess of gold. 

“So, you’re alive then.” 

He looked murderous. Loki sucked in a breath.

“Hey,” he managed lamely.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Loki stepped back to allow his brother in, belatedly realizing that he should have just made the damn phone call. He should have known Thor would show up when he didn’t hear anything and now here he was, angrier than a hornet and homicidal. Thor’s temper was never something to trifle with and he’d essentially set up a live wire and invited him to step on it. _Awesome._

Thor’s massive shoulders were rigid as he stood in the middle of the kitchen, pulling off his gloves and shoving them in his pocket as he took in the state of things. Loki hung back. The fact that his brother hadn’t started yelling the moment he’d opened the door showed an admirable amount of restraint, really, all things considered. 

“Been busy?” Thor’s tone was clipped.

Lok ran a hand through his hair and shrugged. “Busy as hell, honestly. Sorry I haven’t called.”

Thor looked like he might burst a blood vessel. Normally that would just make Loki more combative, his brother was so easy to rile, but today he just felt tired. 

“Look, I know you’re mad. Can you at least lecture me over food somewhere? I’m starving.”

It was a cheap ploy, designed to give him some time to recover from opening the door to the little black thundercloud ready to punt his ass from here to next week, but it was also a dirty move for simpler reasons. He was hungry and Thor, like it or not, was a gigantic softie beneath it all, especially when it came to him and Loki knew it. 

“Yeah, alright.”

Thor gave the kitchen a final dark look and brushed past Loki, not stopping to wait for him. Loki hurriedly slipped his feet into a pair of well-loved Doc Martens by the door and snagged his jacket. 

The fact that the truck was still warm did nothing to quell the frigid mood Thor was carefully cultivating with a wall of silence. Loki squirmed in the passenger seat and reached into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes out of habit. He knew it wasn’t there, but he checked anyway. 

“So are classes done?” he tried, after convincing himself he didn’t have a light.

Thor obstinately stared at the road. 

“Did you drive up here in silence?”

Nothing. 

“Fine.” Loki rolled his eyes and made a show of putting a boot on the dashboard. 

“Loki.” Thor warned. 

It was an unbelievably childish way to score a point, but Loki couldn’t help it or the smirk that spread across his face. He put the other foot up, too. 

“Cut it out!” Thor reached over and slapped his feet down. 

“Hey!” 

“I’m so sick of your shit,” Thor snapped. “I’m this close to pulling over and beating you until you talk to me. Do not. Test me, brother.”

“Please, you couldn’t lay a hand on me if you wanted to,” Loki scoffed. 

“Keep talking and we’ll find out.”

“Bite me, Goldilocks.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you!”

Thor wrenched the steering wheel and pulled into the parking lot a little too fast. Loki lurched sideways and hit the center console. 

“Ow.”

“Get out.” Thor ordered, pulling into a parking space. “Now.”

Loki ignored him. 

“Oh, for godssake,” Thor sighed and yanked the keys from the ignition. “Do you want to eat or not? Let’s go.”

Food wasn’t something Loki was ready to bet on. Not right now, anyway. Still, he spared Thor a surly look and got out. On the other side, Thor shut his door a little harder than necessary. He didn’t wait up this time either and stalked towards the diner with his hands shoved in his pockets. 

Loki trailed after him, dragging his feet. He was not looking forward to the next conversation, but the sharp pang in his stomach told him he was going to suffer through it anyway. 

He walked into the restaurant and halted at Thor’s elbow to wait as a lady cleared a table for them. Maybe it was the hunger talking, but he was secretly relieved his brother was here. Yeah, he would get a lecture and several baseless threats, but ultimately it meant that Thor cared. That he was worried. Loki felt a quiet warmth spread from somewhere around his navel, reaching his fingertips and settling in his chest. 

They were shown to a booth and Thor dropped into his seat and immediately disappeared behind a menu. Loki slid in across from him. 

“Coffee, please,” he held up two fingers as the waitress passed them.

She filled their mugs and assured him she would be back to take their orders. Loki pressed his hands together and inspected his fingernails. Thor remained silent. The moment stretched on forever.

The waitress came back and took their orders. Loki ordered eggs and french toast. Thor ordered a skillet with bacon on the side. She gave them a smile and bustled away, promising them it would be quick and leaving them alone with each other again. 

“Can you please talk to me?” Loki asked finally, feeling small. 

A beat. And then a sigh. When Thor finally met his eyes he no longer looked angry, he looked tired and he looked sad. Loki’s stomach flip-flopped.

“I just want to know why you didn’t call,” Thor said. 

“About what?”

Thor gave him a look. 

“Really, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Loki insisted.

The booth creaked as Thor leaned back, crossing his arms. 

“Ok, we’ll start small, then. Why don’t you have food at your place?”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. “Just haven’t had time to go to the store.”

“Try again.”

“It’s true.”

“Bull _shit_.”

“It’s true!” Loki spat, almost believing it himself. “I got busy.”

“And that’s what you’re sticking with?” Thor raised his brows. 

Loki nodded.

“You know what, if you’re just going to keep lying to me--” Thor shook his head and made to get up.

“No, wait!” 

Loki lurched forward and grabbed Thor’s hand in a desperate attempt to stop him from leaving. He couldn’t survive without him if he left now. He’d be homeless or worse by the end of the month.

Thor eyed him and slowly sat back down. 

“Well?”

“Give me a second,” Loki snapped. “Christ...”

He swallowed hard and looked down at his hands intently. He’d never said it out loud and having to say it now, in public to his brother, drained what little semblance of pride he had left.

“I—lost my job.”

To his credit, Thor didn’t jump in immediately, but waited instead. Loki could feel his eyes regarding him carefully, assessing the level of truth in his statement. 

The waitress came and dropped off their food. Thor didn’t move and Loki definitely didn’t feel like eating anymore, even if his stomach was leading a small revolution against that decision right about now. He poured syrup onto his toast and chased a slice around his plate. 

“Loki, eat. Please.”

Loki paused at the gentle request. Syrup pooled around his fork. He stared at the same little reflection of light in the syrup until a small drop of water landed at the edge of his plate. It took him a moment to realize he was crying. 

Thor got up and slid into the booth next to him, bringing a the warm scent of leather and musk with him. Loki felt his shoulders tense up involuntarily. He was crying in public over toast—he was humiliated enough as it was without his brother making matters worse, but he wasn’t about to deny the ache of relief that came when he felt Thor’s arm slip around his shoulders and pull him in close.

“You’re okay,” Thor said in a low voice. “You’re okay, it’s going to be alright. I’m here, it’s going to be alright.”

Loki let him talk and let the tears drip slowly onto the leather pressed to his cheek. Thor just held him and let him cry. 

After a little coaxing he eventually managed to eat something. Thor boxed up leftovers and drove them home. His brows were furrowed beneath the lip of the black beanie he was wearing, but the anger he’d shown up with was significantly subdued now. Loki could tell he wasn’t out of the clear yet, but at least there was less of an edge. He settled against the door and watched the little white stripes disappear beneath the hood of the car as they drove. Thor reached over at one point and rested a hand on his back, the warmth from his fingers sinking through the worn leather of Loki’s jacket.

A flutter twisted his stomach at the contact and a small light went off in the back of his mind as he drifted off to sleep against the cool window. 

_Butterflies_ , he thought. _That’s what that feeling is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww, baby Loki. So stubborn. 
> 
> Thanks for stopping by to read! Let me know what you think in the comments!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naturally, things get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***CHAPTER WARNING: RAPE, NONCON***
> 
> I've updated tags, but wanted to post here as well. :)
> 
> My beautiful people! Here is another chapter of me slowly crushing Loki into despair. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Turns out the catnap he’d taken on the way home was all the decent sleep he was going to get that night. Loki rolled onto his back for the hundredth time that night, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. 

He’d been stressed and sleepless for a while now, but now he was stressed, sleepless, and confused. Thor’s presence threw a wrench in everything. Before it had just been money he was worried about, but now? Now he was dealing with an onslaught of new, somewhat alarming thoughts and feelings that centered around his brother. It was like being in the eye of the storm next to him, a lull in the roar of everything else going on, but alone and given the time to think? No, that was recipe for disaster.

And he’d been thinking all night, replaying the evening over and over in his head. His chest squeezed as memories filtered in, flickering into his mind’s eye for the thousandth time. The electric energy of Thor’s anger. The smell of leather and earth. That mesmerising lull of deep gravel whenever he spoke.

He could still feel the warmth of his hand on his back...

Fuck. Loki ran a hand over his face in frustration, pushing hair out of his face. He couldn’t stop thinking about the sensation of Thor’s arms around him as he plucked him easily from the truck and carried him into the house. He wanted to be drunk off the feeling, but he refused to acknowledge what it might mean. What it would do to his relationship with Thor if he did...Ugh, he was dizzy just thinking about it. And he’d thought about it all night. 

The clock to his left glowed green, taunting him with the time and reminding him just how long he’d been drifting in and out of fitful dreams and the hellish reality of consciousness. 

His phone vibrated from under his pillow. A frown slid over his face as he looked at the notification, flashing Darcy’s name up on the screen. He swiped to pull up the message.

_Darcy: 5:36am_  
_[ Did Thor make it out your way? ]_  
_[ . . . ]_

Loki glowered. He should have known she would be involved in Thor showing up on his doorstep. He typed back.

_Loki: 5:37am_  
_[ ur idea? ]_

_Darcy: 5:37am_  
_[ That was all your big brother. ]_

_Loki: 5:38am_  
_[ no thx to you. ]_

_Darcy: 5:38am_  
_[ . . . ]_  
_[ We’re worried about you. ]_  
_[ . . . ]_  
_[ Thor said you haven’t talked in months. ]_

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. 

_Loki: 5:40am_  
_[ i was busy ]_

_Darcy: 5:40am_  
_[ So I gathered. ]_

_Loki: 5:42am_  
_[ u gonna lecture me, now? ]_

_Darcy: 5:42am_  
_[ . . . ]_

_Darcy: 5:43am_  
_[ No. I was going to leave that to your brother, he was all kinds of riled up. Peeled out of here like a bat out of hell. ]_  
_[ But I wish you’d tell me what’s going on. ]_

_Loki: 5:44am_  
_[ . . . ]_

He hesitated as he typed out a message, his thumb hovering over the send icon. He wasn’t good with being forthcoming, it was in his nature to take the easy way out and talking to Darcy about his situation was not the easy way out, even if it were the right thing to do. What he’d give sometimes to be as honest as his brother...

But there would be time to work on that lovely character flaw later. The message lit up blue as he highlighted the whole thing and deleted it and tossed the phone away like it had burned him. He didn’t feel like getting into that right now and he didn’t want to think about it. 

It felt like seconds, but he must have fallen asleep finally because he woke up again, his cheek in a little puddle of drool on his pillow. Either way, he had gotten enough sleep to feel a little bit human and the grit was gone from his eyes so he considered it a win. He dragged a hand across his mouth and looked at the clock. 

_10:30am_

Almost five hours then. Better than nothing at all. The floor was cool as he pushed himself out of bed and padded to the bathroom to piss and splash water in his face. A little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he got dressed, remembering again that Thor was on the other side of the bedroom door. 

A stab of disappointment cut into his heart when he ventured out and the living room was clean and tidy. A neatly folded stack of blankets lay on the edge of the futon, but nothing else to suggest Thor had been there yesterday, let alone stayed the night. Loki walked over and peered out the kitchen window to the street outside, looking for Thor’s big, black truck. The street was clear. 

He huffed and spun on his heel and set to work making coffee to distract himself. There was a post-it note on the coffee maker with familiar handwriting on it.

_Went for food._  
_Be back soon._  
_-Thor_

His irritation melted away and after a moment’s consideration, he pocketed the note. Sentiment. Thor was usually the sappy one and Loki wasn’t exactly known for being won over by small gestures, but he couldn’t help it. Thor had always left him notes since they were kids. Jokes, stupid drawings, information about where he would be if he needed him. It was just something he did. And after the events of the last couple weeks Loki was in need of something nostalgic and sweet. 

A steaming mug and some creamer later, he was settling down at his desk to work. His email was overflowing with too much junk, per usual. He siphoned out the shit emails and took a sip of coffee as he scrolled through, looking for responses to job applications. A couple of rejections, a whole lot of nothing, and a single offer. 

It was a long shot he’d never expected to land, a position at a conglomerate business that needed a graphic designer/web manager for regular maintenance and upkeep of their various websites. He’d submitted an application a while back as a hail mary and forgotten about it. 

He opened the email and nearly choked on his coffee in surprise. They were offering him a chance to interview, if he was interested. Numbers weren’t mentioned, naturally, but going from 40 hours at a coffee shop to 40 hours as a graphic designer could spell all kinds of new things for his finances. His heart leapt into his throat. This was it. This was his way out of this hell hole. 

Pulling up the website for a quick look showed him it was slick, streamlined. He scanned it for contact info and hours and checked the time. They’d been open for three minutes. Perfect. His fingers shook slightly as he typed in the number and called. 

A perky voice picked up on the other side. 

“Asgard Enterprises, this is Helen, how can I assist you?”

“Hi, Helen, my name is Loki Laufeyson,” His voice trembled only slightly. “I’m calling regarding an interview—”

“Oh yes, the web design position,” she cut him off smoothly. “Are you available this afternoon?”

Of course he was free this afternoon. He told her and within a few seconds she had arranged the meeting and Loki hung up feeling elated. It wasn’t a guarantee, he told himself. An interview means nothing and it could very well be a dead end, but he couldn’t stop the hope that swelled within him. 

But this also meant he had to look presentable. Damn amazing, in fact. Reinvigorated, he drained the rest of his coffee and hopped in the shower. Thank the gods he’d had the sense to hang his only suit up in the closet. It had been an impulse buy after a particularly generous Christmas bonus. He’d only ever gotten the excuse to wear it once, but he loved it dearly. It made him feel intimidating and even a little dangerous and he could use every ounce of that today.

After the shower he slipped into a loose tank and a soft pair of his favorite tiny lounge shorts to get ready. He’d slicked back his hair, shaved, applied a tiny amount of cologne he saved for special occasions, and was searching through his closet for a pair of dress socks when he heard movement in the kitchen. 

“Loki?”

His stomach fluttered rebelliously. 

“In here,” he called.

Thor’s head poked into the doorway a moment later.

“Hey, you hungry?”

Loki couldn’t help his gaze raking over his brother’s face, framed by a couple stray strands of gold that had escaped his usual bun. Odin had always hated the long hair, but Loki thought it made him look like one of the sun gods from the stories he used to read as a kid. He may or may not have actively encouraged his brother to keep the length with blatant compliments just to spite his adoptive father.

“I’m starving,” he responded, getting to his feet. He stopped short as he faced his brother, remembering quite abruptly how he’d essentially carried him inside and tucked him into bed last night. “Oh, hey, um...thanks for, you know....” 

He motioned vaguely towards his bed. 

“Yeah,” Thor’s face softened just the tiniest bit around his eyes. “Yeah, of course.”

“You said you had food?” 

Thor cleared his throat and his hand came up to rub the back of his neck. “Yeah, I got stuff from the cafe downtown. I got you those burritos you like.”

Loki raised his brows. “You remember that? I’m impressed.”

Thor just shrugged and followed him into the kitchen. He had, indeed, remembered the correct burritos--they had little tiny potatoes with scrambled eggs and bacon and a little bit of cheese. Loki practically face planted into one. 

“You seem happy,” Thor noted.

“Oh, yeah,” Loki brightened around a mouthful of potatoes. “I have an interview in a couple hours.”

“That was fast.” Thor handed him a glass of water. “Where at?”

“Asgard Enterprises,” Loki took a sip gratefully. “They have several different branches and need a media manager to keep up with the websites. I’m not technically qualified, but I’m a fast learner and I work hard.”

He shrugged. 

“You’re more than qualified,” Thor said steadily. “When is the interview? Do you want me to drive you?”

Loki looked at him, appalled. “I’m twenty, Thor. I can’t have you drive me to an interview!”

“I just figured I’m in town…”

“No, that’s okay. Do you have stuff to do? I can…” Loki looked around as if something might pop out at him with ideas. “Well, I’ve got shit all to do. You can watch netflix on my computer if you want?”

Thor laughed and patted the bag at his side. “Actually, I’ve got some stuff I need to grade for professors. Does the cafe down the street have good wifi? I can chill there while you’re gone.”

“It’s not great for my work, but it should hold up for grading,” Loki shrugged a shoulder.

Thor nodded and pulled his laptop out. “I’ll just head out when you do, then.”

Loki gulped down the rest of the water as Thor kicked off his shoes and pulled his laptop out of his bag. He couldn’t quite take his eyes off the way his brother moved, there was something about it...a sense of longing pulled at his chest. 

“Hey,” he blurted out.

“Yeah?”

“....thanks. For the food.” 

Thor waved him off, that soft look settling into the few lines on his face before he walked away into the living room. Loki felt his face warm and watched him go, a sense of dread creeping into his heart as to what it meant.

_FUCK._

 

***

 

Asgard Enterprises sat a little outside of town, which was maybe why Loki had never bothered to pay attention to it in the first place. But now that he was, he was impressed he’d ignored it for so long. Why they were set up here in the middle of nowhere was beyond him. 

He took a long breath and exhaled slowly through his nose, calming his heart. There was too much riding on this for him to be relaxed about it, which could be either very good or extremely bad. He slid a finger underneath his collar and tugged at his tie to adjust it. Thor had picked it out, insisting it would be good luck if he did. Loki had to admit, he felt good. The suit hugged him perfectly, all crisp lines and sharp edges. He had chosen a deep, emerald green shirt to sit beneath the jacket and it played off the subtle pattern of the tie. 

“Damn, you clean up nice,” Thor had said, blatantly unabashed.

“Shut up.”

“No, really, you look good,” Thor insisted. “You’re going to nail this.”

Loki had thrown a pen at him, but it made him blush to remember how wide Thor’s eyes had been as he looked him up and down. 

“Mr. Laufeyson, I can take you back now.”

He stood, sucked in a subtle breath, smiled, and followed her back. 

What could he possibly stand to lose?

 

***

 

An hour and a half later found him half out of his mind with rage, piss drunk, and in the middle of making some incredibly stupid life choices. Of course, of course Odin was part of the goddamn company. It just fucking figured. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get away from him. 

Seeing that face again…

The drink in his hand sloshed dangerously as he tossed back another shot of whiskey and slammed the glass back down onto the bar. He’d waltzed his way in thirty minutes ago, suit half undone and rumpled, hair in a state, seeing nothing but red. 

It was early and yet the place was already busy, probably filled with a fair amount of underage drinkers including himself. The morons at this bar would let anything into the bar for a couple clever lines and a shitty fake ID, which is exactly what he’d done. 

“Bad day?” the bartender raised a brow, but looked sympathetic. 

Loki let his gaze lick up the man; a firefighter type, tall, broad, heavily muscled and brunette with enough tattoos to fund a college degree.

He shook his head. “You have no idea.”

“Next drink is on me,” the bartender said smoothly.

Loki tossed him a salacious wink and told him he’d find him later, not intending to follow through but keeping him on the hook just enough in case he wanted to revisit that option later. He usually went for blondes unless he were particularly drunk, but he was feeling reckless tonight. 

Thor’s face flashed through his mind and he wondered what it would be like to discover all the little things that would make him moan and turn him into a writhing mess on the sheets. 

He choked on his drink. He might be angrier than a wasp nest mistaken for a piñata, but he wasn’t drunk enough nor was it late enough in the day to be entertaining that kind of fantasy. This angry spiral into oblivion was going to be a slow, ugly process.

Fortunately or not, it was easy to bar hop to the few places in this town. 

He spent a little bit of time at the adjacent bar and practically demolished their supply of pretzels before moving on to the next. He managed to maintain a fairly substantial angry buzz and by the time the sun was long gone over the horizon he had made it to the last bar downtown. 

It was a dingy, frankly horrifying dive bar he’d saved for last. It was covered in mediocre graffiti from floor to ceiling and smelled vaguely of toilets. It was normally one of his favorite places.

He drained his drink and set it lightly on the bar top before sliding back to the tightly packed dancefloor. Almost immediately somebody found him.

“It’s been a while, baby,” they pressed into him from behind but he had no trouble identifying the voice even over the shitty EDM streaming from the amps. “You look like you’re in desperate need of a pick me up.”

“Baldur.”

The burly blonde was an old cocaine contact he’d had when he first moved into town. Baldur had spotted him in this exact bar and practically hunted him down—said he’d taken a liking to him and could get him what he wanted for a price...or better still, a favor.

He pressed backwards into him.

“That’s my good boy,” Baldur purred in his ear, his hands sliding possessively over the crest of Loki’s hips. 

Loki let him, the hazy fog of alcohol in full effect. Some part of his mind was screaming at him, telling him to leave, to remember he still had Thor—at least he still had Thor. He should just call Thor.

But calling him would mean admitting he needed him, in all the ways he was scared to face. 

“I’ve missed your pretty little mouth,” Baldur’s fingers gripped him and Loki could feel him press against his ass. “And wouldn’t you know, I’ve got something special for you today.”

He knew the deal. He’d sucked dick for a lot less in high school, it hadn’t mattered much to him to do it for a high, as long as he got his fix he was good….or at least so he used to think.

Well, if he was going to hit rock bottom, might as well go all the way—consequences clearly never had any trouble finding him no matter how well he cleaned up his act, so fuck it. He ground up against the bigger man and let his head fall back, losing himself to the beat, and the sweat, and the way Baldur’s beard ground uncomfortably into his jaw. 

The smell of cheap cologne overpowered him as he let the bigger man practically drag him from the dance floor. He needed to stop, he was too drunk for this and he knew it.

He smelled old cigarette smoke. 

There was grimy wood against his cheek. 

Ugly flourescent lights.

Some harsh words.

Toilets. 

Loki couldn’t hide the curl of his lip. Classy as always.

And there were hands on his head, shoving him to his knees. He swatted at them.

“Fuck you, cheap bastard, I’m not that drunk,” he hissed, forcing his eyes to focus and feeling a little sick for it. “Half up front.”

“Policy’s changed, baby boy,” Baldur’s gaze raked over him greedily, reaching out to grasp at Loki’s neck, a thumb running harshly against his throat.

Loki struggled against it, swallowing hard. Baldur’s eyes were black with lust and he was panting, his nostrils flaring. 

“Half up front,” Loki let his gaze travel downward and smirked. “Or you can take care of yourself.”

He didn’t see the fist coming, but suddenly his head was bouncing off the counter, his jaw throbbing painfully. Copper filled his mouth. He’d bitten his tongue. 

Motherfucker. 

He spat a mouthful of blood into the sink just as a fist gathered in his hair and hauled him up, he came face to face with Baldur, half mad with rage and lust. His head was fuzzy and spun sickeningly. He couldn’t contain it—he giggled.

“Think this is funny, do you?” Baldur breathed dangerously. 

“Not even a little,” his words slurred together. “I want the full amount up front. You’ll still get what you want and,” he tilted his head as much as he could. “I won’t bite your goddamn dick off.”

Baldur narrowed his eyes.

“Unless you’ve forgotten what my mouth can do,” he licked his lips slowly for effect.

Baldur’s eyes twitched and tightened his grip at the base of Loki’s skull, making him arch backward, his arms flailing behind him to grab the counter for support.

“I’ll get what I want out of you.” 

It was a promise. He felt several hairs rip from his skull as Baldur yanked sharply and dropped him to his knees. One hand held him down while the other made quick work unbuttoning his pants. 

“I’ll teach you to talk back,” he grunted. 

Loki struggled against him, turning his head away and feeling his stomach turn as the room spun around him. And then he was there, a blunt force against his lips, forcing its way past and thrusting into the back of his throat. 

He gagged, tears streaming down his face as he thrashed against Baldur’s legs, his jaw wrenched open painfully. Both hands were fisted in his hair now, he was helpless to move as Balder grunted above him. 

There was a loud crash and he was free, the hands released his head and he fell to the ground, heaving, gasping for air as the room spun around him.

He heard words and an angry roar above him. He scrambled away instinctively, curling against the wall and hugging his knees in. Tears blurred his vision as he registered dimly what had just happened. 

There was a sharp slap. 

A sickening crunch. 

Multiple dull thuds that sounded like kicks to the ribs.

Silence. And then quick footsteps hurried to his side and there were large hands on his arms. He cried out and fought wildly. 

“It’s me! Loki, it’s me!”

Calloused, gentle fingers caught his face and Thor’s face swam into view. He stopped fighting.

_“Oh!”_

“Jesus christ, Loki!”

He reached out frantically and Thor’s strong arms wrapped protectively around him, crushing him to his chest. Loki sobbed in relief and clung to his brother, his fingers digging into thick forearms like he would never let go.

“We’re leaving,” Thor’s voice was shaking in rage. “Come on.”

Loki wobbled as Thor pulled him up and led him out of the bathroom, passing Baldur on the way out, knocked out cold on the floor in one of the stalls, his face a bloody mess. His stomach churned and he turned away, burying his face in Thor’s side.

He was still inebriated when they got home. Thor got him up the steps and into the bathroom, picking him up as easy as if he were a ragdoll and setting him on the bathroom counter so he could get a good look at him. 

“What the _fuck_ were you thinking?” Thor demanded urgently, cupping either side of Loki’s face to steady him.

Loki barely heard what he said, mesmerized by how close his face was. His brother’s blue eyes were so beautiful, so intense beneath deeply furrowed, blonde eyebrows as they searched every inch of his face. He would have given a whole hell of a lot to just spend eternity looking into them. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he slurred, tears slipping from his eyes as he sagged backward. 

Thor caught him before he fell into the mirror. 

“You’re drunk, Loki,” he said firmly. “I’m going to brush your teeth, you’re going to take a shower, and then I’m putting you to bed.” 

Loki nodded automatically. 

“Are you hurt anywhere other than your face?”

He shook his head. His mind was numb as he let Thor fuss over him. Every beat of his heart pounded in his ears. He knew he was safe but a part of him didn’t quite believe it was real. It didn’t feel real. He reached out and brushed his fingers over that beautiful face, frowning.

Thor glanced at him, but didn’t say anything, his fingers gently pressing a washcloth into the swollen and split areas along Loki’s face. Then, evidently satisfied with his work, he set it aside and brushed a few wayward strands out of Loki’s face. 

“You have blood in your mouth,” he said matter-of-factly. “Open up.”

Loki dropped his jaw obediently, sticking out his tongue. Thor snorted but peered into his mouth, making sure his teeth were all in tact.

“You chomped the shit out of your tongue,” he observed, giving Loki’s jaw a gentle tap to indicate he was done. “But you’ll live. Brush your teeth,” he handed him a toothbrush. “And then shower.”

Loki did as he was told as Thor turned on the shower and tested the water. He headed to the shower, stumbling over the bath mat as he reached for the door. 

“Hey, hey,” Thor caught him for the second time that night. “You can’t shower with your clothes on, Lokes. Come on.”

He frowned and looked down at his shirt. 

“Christ,” Thor swore under his breath. “Okay, come here.”

His hands were gentle as they undid the ruined button-up and slid it from his shoulders. Loki let him work, swaying on the spot. Somehow Thor got him out of his pants and his briefs and he stood there, stark naked and shivering. 

Thor’s hands were warm as they pushed him towards the shower, guiding him as he stepped into the shower. Hot water washed over him and he let his head droop, soaking it in. He didn’t remember Thor getting in with him, but his brother was there, lathering up a washcloth and running it over his limbs, taking the shower head and rinsing him off. He closed his eyes when told as Thor finished washing his hair and turned the water off. 

Thor coaxed him into an oversized t-shirt and sat him on the bed while he changed out of his own clothes that were still soaking wet. Loki stared dully at the floor until Thor returned to tuck him into the bed. He took an inordinate amount of time fussing over the bed, making sure Loki had extra blankets, bringing him water and ibuprofen for the morning…

Finally Loki groaned and waved him away, his brow furrowing slightly. 

_“‘mfineThor…”_

He heard a deep sigh and Thor’s anxious movements came to a halt. He sank into a crouch next to the bed and his face came into view, clearly trying to put on a brave face but failing and ending up with a half twisted mask that just looked infinitely sad.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he asked after a moment.

Loki shrugged sleepily. He couldn’t seem to stop the tears. The pillow caught them, making a little pool of salty tears by his cheek. Thor’s thumb was there to brush them away, his blue eyes searching, worried.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said finally, pleading. “Please tell me what you need from me.”

Through half-lidded eyes, Loki could read the raw, unadulterated fear in his eyes, frustrated and helpless. But if it weren’t for him…

He snaked a hand out from under the covers and caught Thor’s wrist.

“Stay?” he whispered, barely audible.

Thor smiled sadly and squeezed his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My precious, precious baby Loki. I'm so sorry, honey. 
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are still bad, but this time they get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHH, HERE IT IS! This is the first chapter story I have ever written to completion and I am actually so very proud of it. This is my baby. 
> 
> A massive thank you to my sisters (and occasionally my partner) for letting me bounce ideas, reading through my shit, and convincing me to keep going. 
> 
> Thank you to all my gremlin cheerleaders on discord and twitter, you are the greatest group I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and I love you all dearly. 
> 
> As with all previous chapters, this is unbeta'd--just my exhausted, bleeding eyes going over it three million times to edit before I post. Let me know if you catch anything! 
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING: as this is the veritable *ahem* climax of this story, we bout to earn that M rating. Smutty times ahead!
> 
> Enjoy!!

He still felt sick the following day, sitting on the couch with his legs tucked beneath him, clutching a mug of tea between his fingers. Part of it was the hangover—it had been a long time since he’d gotten that drunk—but some of it was deeper, guiltier, angrier. 

Thor was in the kitchen on a phone call with his job, which left Loki with a fair amount of space to think. The shock from yesterday was fading, the residual fog of a nightmare best left in the past, but his stomach still turned. 

In an unexpected turn of events, the queasiness he felt had nothing to do with Baldur and everything to do with Thor. Loki would never have been in this situation if he hadn’t run into Odin, and he never would have run into Odin if he hadn’t gone through with the interview. It begged the question: had Thor known about his father? 

It made Loki either want to hurt him or throw up.

As if on cue, Thor reappeared from the kitchen.

“Well, they weren’t happy about it, but I have a couple more days off,” he announced, smiling tiredly. 

He looked beat, a little frayed around the edges, a little red around the eyes. Loki knew he’d spent most of the night awake next to him, worried sick, but it did little to quell the growing rage in his chest. 

“Maybe you should just go,” he suggested with thinly veiled bitterness, staring at a chip on the rim of his mug and picking at it with a fingernail. 

Thor paused in front of him and Loki could see his socks pressing into the carpet out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t an idiot, he heard the challenge in Loki’s tone. 

“Do you want me to go?” Thor asked carefully, confused.

“Do what you want,” Loki feigned nonchalance. “But I have a lot of work to do and jobs to find, so—”

He let the sentence finish itself and got up, moving to bring his mug into the kitchen while avoiding Thor’s gaze. His movement must have broken the spell because Thor shook his head and followed him.

“Loki, what happened?”

Loki spared him an incredulous glance. “I’m not going to answer that.”

“You know what I mean,” Thor said. “I know everything is gone to shit, but something changed between now and just ten minutes ago.”

“Do yourself a favor, Thor, and don’t try to read into my emotions,” Loki snapped.

He set the mug down harder than he should have, his fingers gripping at the smooth sides in an effort to restrain his anger. 

“What the hell is going on?” Thor asked, exasperated.

Loki’s nostrils flared. “Just fuck off, okay?”

The water was ice cold as he began to scrub aggressively at the mug, removing dirt that wasn’t there. He hadn’t even intended to wash it. 

“Loki...” 

Thor’s hand landed on his shoulder and before he knew he’d moved, Loki had slapped him away, whipping around with a snarl. The cup dropped into the sink with crash.

“Don’t touch me!” he spat venomously, heat rushing to his cheeks. “Don’t you _fucking_ touch me.”

“Sorry, Jesus, okay, I won’t touch you,” Thor said, raising his hands palm out. “What the hell is your problem? Did I do something?”

Loki was shaking. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he stared at his brother in disbelief, each breath loud and unnatural in the silence. How dare he play the stupid card. 

“You need to leave,” he said abruptly. “Right now.”

He pushed past Thor and began picking up his belongings, tossing them haphazardly at the door. The leather jacket. His school bag. A boot.

“Loki—!”

He found the other boot and threw it at the door. 

_“Loki!”_

“What?!” Loki shouted, spinning around. “What, Thor?”

Thor looked like he was teetering on the edge of his breaking point, his tired face showing lines Loki had never noticed before. 

“Please, I don’t understand,” Thor pleaded with him, his hands waving helplessly. “I don’t know what I did.”

Loki felt something break inside him and the hurt began to pour out. 

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?” he demanded, advancing on Thor like a predator, ignoring the tears that pricked at his eyes. “How about we start with yesterday? Yeah, let’s talk about your complete failure to mention that Odin, your _father,_ ” he spat the word like a curse. “Is part of Asgard Enterprises?”

Thor flinched. “What—?”

“Let’s talk about how you let me go to that goddamn interview without so much as a warning!”

Thor’s face was white. “Loki—”

“How could you let me go?”

“Loki, I didn’t know.”

“Bullshit, you didn’t!”

But Thor’s eyes had taken on a distant haze, flickering back and forth frantically like he was searching for something just out of his grasp.

“Oh please,” Loki smiled cruelly, swiping at his eyes furiously. “Save the act for somebody who believes you,”

“It’s not an act.” Thor snapped.

“I know you talk to him once a month, Thor,” Loki rolled his eyes. “You didn’t think I’d put two and two together?”

“No, you don’t understand, I haven’t talked to my dad in over a year.”

“Bullshit.”

“I haven’t!”

_“Bullshit!”_

“Don’t!” Thor roared finally. 

Loki stopped short, thrown off guard for the slightest of seconds. His brother was truly panicking, breathing hard, his eyes taking on the feral edge of an animal ready to bolt. 

“Loki,” his voice was low and tight with forced calm. “Just. Don’t.”

Loki sniffed and felt his jaw twitch. “Why not?”

Thor shook his head wordlessly and Loki gritted his teeth.

“I deserve an explanation, Thor.”

“You know, you were right,” Thor blatantly ignored him, looking around distractedly. “I should just go. Yeah. I’ll go.”

He stooped and began to pick up his things, scattered from Loki’s earlier outburst. Loki watched him, clenching and unclenching his fists, outraged. He could always get what he wanted out of Thor. His brother was never cagey. 

“Thor—”

“Leave it, Loki.” Thor cut him off, his voice flat.

“Why haven’t you talked to Odin?” 

Thor sucked in a breath. “Because I haven’t.” 

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t, Loki!” Thor shouted. “Why can’t you just take things as they are?”

“I deserve to know!” Loki countered angrily. “You owe it to me after everything that’s happened!”

“ _Fine!_ ” Thor held up both hands in surrender.

He exhaled hard and ran a hand over his face, shouldering his bag. He took a few steps forward, coming to stand directly in front of Loki and dwarfing him with his broad frame, his eyes burning as they bored a hole into Loki’s skull.

“I will say this once,” He said tightly. “Dad cut me off over a year ago. We haven’t talked since.” His eyes clouded and his frown deepened. “Asgard must be new because he wasn’t involved last time we spoke, so _trust me_ when I say I didn’t know.”

Loki stared at him in disbelief. 

“I would never do that to you,” Thor added softly, hurt.

His face seemed as though it had taken on years all at once, sadness and pain settling into the lines around his eyes and the crease between his brows. He looked old. His reached out toward him but when Loki shied away he just sighed and let his arm drop, turning away. 

Loki’s mind was whirling. It didn’t make any sense. Thor was the only son of Odin and Frigga, not to mention the only eligible heir to Odin’s extensive business ventures. He must have done something astonishing.

Thor stalked past him, his shoulder hard as it knocked into him. Loki staggered. 

“Thor, wait!”

He followed his brother into the living room as he collected the few other possessions he’d brought with him. 

“Thor, tell me what happened.”

“That’s none of your business.”

Loki’s temper flared. “It is absolutely my business!”

“No! It’s not!”

“Oh, so you can come here and invade my space and interrupt my life,” he said icily. “But when the tables turn, suddenly I should stay out of it?” 

“No.”

Thor snatched a flannel from the couch and shoved it into his bag, saying nothing. His handsome face was as dark as a thundercloud, the air around him practically crackling. A smarter person would have left him alone, but if there was anything Loki was good at it was chasing the storm. 

“Was it because you turned down the scholarship?”

Nothing.

“Is it because you didn’t choose Yale?”

Thor cinched his bag shut and took a look around the room, his jaw clenched as he stubbornly ignored Loki’s questions. 

“Tell me!” he cried finally.

“Loki, stop! Just stop!” Thor was irate, his eyes flashing, shaking with barely contained rage. His hands were raised like he wanted to grab Loki by the shoulders and shake him. Instead he let them curl slowly into fists and drop to his sides. “I can’t be around you right now. I can’t talk about this. I have to go.”

Tears stung Loki’s eyes as the words hung in the air, so much more real now that they’d come from his brother’s mouth. He didn’t want Thor to go. Not really. How had things gotten so out of control?

“Fine,” he said shakily. “If you don’t want to explain, then fine.”

Thor just gave him a dull look and walked toward the door.

“But if you walk out that door,” Loki’s lip wobbled, his whole body screaming at him to stop, but he went on. “You don’t come back.”

Thor’s hand paused on the doorknob.

“Loki, that’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Loki laughed and it was too high, artificial. “You can’t even answer a simple question, Thor, I’m not asking for much.”

It was enough. Thor rounded on him and slammed him against the wall, pinning him there with a large hand on his chest and breathing hard, his face inches away. Loki’s eyes widened in shock.

The energy of the room changed, sparking between them like a electrical current. Loki was acutely aware of the pad of Thor’s index finger resting in the hollow of his collarbone, heat sinking into him beneath the weight of his palm. He couldn’t breathe, his vision collapsing, blurring at the corners until all he could see was Thor. 

The anger that burned in his brother’s eyes earlier was gone, replaced with an unmistakable hunger as his gaze flickered to Loki’s mouth. Loki’s tongue darted out to wet his lips nervously and Thor’s pupils dilated as they followed the movement. 

He wasn’t sure when Thor moved, but it was fast, nothing more than a brush of lips and the faint taste of spearmint.

Thor murmured against him, “Goodbye.”

And then he was gone, the door slamming shut behind him. Loki stumbled forward, reeling.

“No,” he choked out into the empty kitchen. 

Then louder. “ _No._ ”

“Thor!” He shouted, scrambling.

He tripped over himself in his haste to get to the door, flinging it open and practically tumbling down the stairs, the concrete bitterly cold against his bare feet. The growl of the truck’s engine was already in the air, the exhaust filtering up into the cold morning sky.

“Thor!”

“Go back inside, Loki.”

“No!”

Thor came around the hood of the truck, the sheen of tears reflecting in the harsh sunlight and disappearing into his beard.

“Don’t you see why I have to leave?” Thor begged him. “I can’t be around you.”

“Would you shut the fuck up?” Loki growled. 

He was running, sprinting across the pavement and the little patch of grass that separated the sidewalk from the road, and falling straight into Thor’s arms. 

Thor’s arms were moving, wrapping around him seemingly without thinking. A strong arm wrapping around his waist, the other hand coming up to cradle the back of his neck and hold him steady. Loki tilted his head up and found Thor’s lips, catching them in a fierce kiss—wild, desperate, and more certain than anything he’d ever felt before. 

He could feel every minute detail—the way the leather felt against his fingernails, the rough asphalt pressing into the balls of his feet, and the pleasant prickle of Thor’s beard against his skin. 

A whimper escaped Thor’s throat, like he desperately wanted more, but his hands were on Loki’s chest, pushing him away.

Loki let go and staggered back and the world slammed back into motion. 

“Loki—?” Thor gasped, staring at him.

Loki’s lip was still warm from the kiss as he bit it and looked down, suddenly nervous. Maybe he’d read things wrong? Maybe Thor had moved on and his kiss was meant to refer to past feelings…?

But Thor was already there, tugging his jaw up gently.

“Does this—are you—?” he struggled to speak. 

Loki’s throat was dry and all he could do was nod, a small, sharp movement.

Thor made a strangled noise and crushed their lips together again. It was more teeth than lips, more desperate than sweet, his fingers tangling possessively into the base of Loki’s hair. Relief flooded Loki’s mind, his anxiety lifting as he pressed back roughly, abandoning all pretense as his fingers dug into the solid muscle of his brother’s shoulders.

The taste of spearmint was on his tongue as Thor pried his mouth open, his tongue running along his teeth before licking deeper. Up close, Thor’s scent was intoxicating—the cologne and leather was there, but there was something new he’d never noticed beneath it all, something uniquely and entirely Thor—the smell of earth right before the rain and the static crackle that lit the sky before lightning struck. He was the storm, lighting Loki from the inside out like a fire breathed back to life. 

There was a keening sound and Loki wasn’t sure if it came from him or Thor, but it only served to arouse him even more. 

Thor laughed a little against his lips, a nervous, incredulous sound, and he pulled back, staring down at Loki like he was seeing him for the first time. Loki gazed back, mapping the perfect lines and crystalline blue depths that he’d known for so long like he might forget them the instant he looked away. How had they missed it all this time?

“When?” was the question on Thor’s lips, his thumbs coming up to drag lightly along Loki’s cheekbones.

He quirked a smile, his voice coming out a little rough at the edges. “A while now, I guess.” His brow knitted faintly. “You?”

Thor ran a hand through his hair almost reverently, tucking it behind an ear and following the line with his finger to trace his jaw.

“The moment you stepped into my life.”

Loki snorted, his fingers twisting a strand of blonde. “Thor, be serious.”

“I am,” Thor’s breath was hot against his lips. “It’s the hardest secret I’ve ever had to keep.”

His eyes fluttered shut as he lowered his head to catch Loki’s lips again. Loki felt more than heard the groan deep in his throat and opened his mouth greedily, taking Thor’s tongue into his mouth in a wet slide and pressing against him hard. Thor worked him in slow, powerful strokes, licking into him enthusiastically. Loki’s knees went weak and his grip on Thor’s shoulders would have become utilitarian in nature if he didn’t have him pinned against the truck, still on and humming against his back.

A car drove by and honked, startling them both and reminding them they were standing on the street in broad daylight.

Loki could feel Thor's lips split into a grin just before his arms wrapped around him and plucked him off the ground as easily as if he were a cat. Loki yelped in surprise, but wrapped his legs around his brother's waist, feeling the pleasant press of Thor's muscular abdomen against him.

_Oh._

He could feel warmth pool between his legs and pressure build beneath his zipper. Thor must have noticed, because he pulled him closer and pressed an urgent kiss to his collarbone.

"Inside, dumbass," Loki hissed, even as his head fell back at the sensation of Thor's mouth on his skin.

Thor grumbled and with some effort, fished his keys from his pocket and turned off the truck with the remote before carrying Loki back inside.

The door shut behind them with a careless slam. Neither of them noticed as Thor crowded Loki against the wall kissing him fiercely, his hands skimming the edge of his shirt. 

Loki huffed at the loss of contact as he shoved Thor away to get his shirt off. Thor shed his jacket and was back against him instantly, little hums of pleasure rumbling through him as his hands explored every inch of Loki’s skin. He felt himself go hard. 

“What do you like, baby?” Thor breathed into him, rolling a finger and thumb over his nipple and sending a shock of goosebumps down his arms. “Tell me what you like.”

Loki’s chest swelled at the pet name, filled with emotion. He’d never been so happy to hear anything in his life. 

“You,” he forced the word into his brother’s mouth. “I like you.”

Thor gave a full-body laugh, his body vibrating with amusement as it rolled through him. His hand gripped the back of Loki’s neck, his thumb stroking absently as he pulled away just so. 

“You’re gonna have to give me more than that, little brother.” 

Loki’s chest heaved, the corners of his vision blurry. 

Now that they were here he couldn’t stop the flood of images, things he refused to entertain in the past, breaking into his mind and blinding him with desire. He wanted everything. He wanted Thor on him, in him, filling him up and consuming him. His mouth watered. He wanted to taste his brother’s cock. He wanted to bury himself between his powerful thighs and breathe in his scent. He wanted to cover him in kisses, taste the salt of his precome, and then take him into his mouth and let him fuck him until his jaw ached. 

“I want to suck you off,” he said abruptly. 

Thor pulled away at that, his eyebrows coming together slightly. “Loki—”

“I want you to fuck my mouth,” Loki said slowly for emphasis. “But first I want to kiss you. I want you to fuck my mouth with your tongue and when you’re done I want you to fuck my mouth with your cock.” 

He’d never been more sure of anything. Thor was panting, clearly exercising restraint as he searched Loki’s face for doubt. Loki met his gaze unwaveringly, encouraging him with his eyes, assuring him it was okay. When Thor hesitated, he took his hand, never breaking eye contact, and brought his fingers to his mouth. Thor’s eyes were black with lust as he watched him take the first finger into his mouth, and then a second, sucking and licking at them until they were dripping. 

Thor exhaled harshly, snatching his hand away and crashing into him with a growl, his tongue sliding into his mouth, thrusting into him, hot and wet. The hand Loki had sucked on snaked around his back and pressed them together, trapping him against solid muscle. 

Loki sighed into him, his hands gripping Thor’s hips and biting back a groan as he felt Thor’s length pressed against him, straining against his jeans, just as hard if not harder than Loki himself. It wasn’t like they hadn’t ever seen each other naked, they’d been raised siblings after all, but Loki was still surprised and pleased to find his brother was thick and heavy as ever.

His fingers were at Thor’s belt before he knew he’d moved. Thor brought a hand down to help him, undoing the belt and unzipping with deft ease and flipping them around so that his back was against the wall. 

Loki nipped at his lip before starting to make his way down Thor’s body, pressing kisses and laving his tongue against smooth skin the whole way. Thor moaned above him, his head falling back into the wall with a small thump. Loki smiled and licked along his waistband, pausing to mouth him through the black briefs, relishing the significant dampness he found there. 

“Fuck, Loki—” Thor rasped, struggling around his name.

Loki slid the briefs down from his hips, unable to contain the gasp that ripped from his lungs as Thor’s cock sprang free, flushed and weeping, curving just slightly to the right.

“ _Jesus,_ Thor,” he breathed. 

He pushed his face into the golden curls and breathed deeply, a little dizzy off the scent of skin— _Thor’s_ skin.

Thor made a strangled sound above him and cursed, shaking.

Loki’s lips tilted in a smirk. He ducked to lick along the sensitive skin of Thor’s balls and then pressed the flat of his tongue against the underside of his cock, drawing it up the shaft in a single stroke and swirling it around the edge at the top. 

Thor whined and his hips jerked forward of their own accord, begging for attention. Loki hummed in satisfaction and wrapped his fingers around the base. He flicked his tongue along the slit pulling his lips around his teeth and taking him into his mouth. He stretched around Thor’s considerable girth, pausing for a moment to adjust, letting his jaw relax and acclimating to the weight on his tongue. 

“Fuck,” Thor’s breath was labored, his fingers tangling firmly in Loki’s hair as he trembled to control himself. 

_Fuck._

Loki undulated his tongue along the underside of Thor’s cock, a sign he was ready to move. Thor took the hint and began to take him in slow thrusts, hitting the back of Loki’s throat just barely and making his eyes water. But Loki wanted it. He wanted all of it. 

“ _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,_ ” Thor bit out, tension rippling through him.

He was beautiful, all golden skin and freckles, his hair tumbling over his shoulders in an artful mess of tangles. Loki hollowed out his cheeks and sucked, earning another ragged set of guttural curses from Thor. 

Loki usually loved this part of blowjobs for the powertrip, the idea that he held so much control over somebody gave him a rush that sometimes made him dizzy. He could be detached that way. But here, with his brother completely at his mercy, he only wanted to take him deeper, taste him for everything that he was, and make him come harder than anybody had before. 

“ _Loki,_ ” Thor stuttered and swore, his hand twisting in Loki’s hair in warning.

His hips thrust jerkily as he came, a deep groan ripping from his throat as he spilled into Loki’s mouth and down his throat. Loki strained to watch him through it, sucking gently as he swallowed around him. 

Thor rode it out, his pulse throbbing hot against Loki’s tongue. He was unbelievable like this— his head thrown back, his mouth hanging open in a silent cry, tension rippling through his body. When the waves subsided he exhaled raggedly and pulled out of Loki with a wet pop. Loki licked his lips and crawled back up to meet him, pressing a kiss to his mouth so he could taste himself, his own cock aching as Thor licked into him lazily. 

“Fucking hell,” he breathed. 

Loki gazed at him affectionately, his lips quirked up playfully. “Alright?” 

“Christ,” Thor nodded shakily, pushing sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes. 

Loki laughed and nuzzled into his neck, scraping his teeth along the light stubble there and lapping up the salt of his skin. 

“Come here, you beautiful creature,” Thor murmured, hooking a finger beneath Loki’s chin and pulling him up so he could look at him. “Your turn and I’m going to make you come so hard you’ll see stars.”

Loki’s breath hitched at the look in his brother’s eyes, intent and possessive, as if what he were about to do were some kind of mark. A claim. It sent a warm shiver of anticipation down his spine.

Thor hauled him up into a searing kiss and carried him into the bedroom. 

He pushed Loki into the mattress, rolling sensually above him. Loki’s skin was on fire, aching to be touched all over, to feel the calluses on Thor’s palms scrape against him and press bruises into his body even as they did just that. 

“Thor, please,” he choked out, hips canting upward in search of friction.

Thor grinned and slid down between his legs, pulling fabric away and letting his cock bob free. Loki gasped as long, blonde hair fell around him and tickled his thighs. His delighted giggle turned into a groan as Thor’s tongue lavished him with attention, his toes curling in ecstacy. The sight of Thor settling his powerful shoulders between his legs nearly made him come on the spot. 

He nearly blacked out as Thor gripped him, his lips sliding filthily over the tip and then taking him deep into a velvet heat. Sensation exploded across his body and a ragged scream ripped from his throat. A few short strokes was all it took and he was arching away from the bed, white hot pleasure rolling through him as he came, hard.

Thor’s fingers caressed him as he swallowed his spend, moving rhythmically and gently around him to bring him down. Loki fell back into the mattress, gasping for air in between dazed laughter, a little lightheaded.

“Did you see stars?” Thor asked, on his elbows above him and gazing down adoringly. 

Loki struggled to remember how to breathe, his laughter coming out in chopped bursts. “I may have blacked out.” 

Thor growled in satisfaction and leaned in for a long, languid kiss. Loki was already open for him. There was something unbelievably filthy about tasting himself in Thor’s mouth and he wanted to do it over and over again. 

Thor let him lick the remaining spend from his lips and then collapsed beside him, looping a strong arm around him and drawing him to his chest and pulling the sheets over them with his other hand. Loki instinctively wriggled to slot against him as closely as possible, still a little stupid from climax and craving his brother’s skin on his. 

Thor murmured soft nonsense behind him, his lips moving against Loki’s hair. 

They lay like that for a while, comfortable and warm. 

Loki may have drifted to sleep easily right then, but there was still a question that nagged in the back of his mind like a thorn in his side. 

“Thor?” 

“Hmm?” Thor’s voice vibrated pleasantly against his back. 

“Why did your father cut you off?”

“Erugh, Loki,” Thor complained. “I don’t want to talk about him after sex.”

Loki wriggled around to face him, propping himself up on his elbow. “You underestimate my ability to hold a grudge, brother. I need to know.”

Thor sighed and rolled onto his back, glancing at Loki. “Do you promise not to exact some kind of weird revenge if I tell you?”

Loki scoffed. “I would never.”

“That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard. You’re usually so good at lying,” Thor said, unimpressed. 

Loki opened his mouth to protest, but Thor continued. 

“But you’re right. If you really want to know, long story short, he found a letter that I’d written to you. It was supposed to be your Christmas present the year you moved out of town. That messed me up, by the way,” he added, looking at Loki pointedly. “I needed you.”

Loki grimaced apologetically. After leaving the Odinson house he'd spent his remaining years of high school with Darcy, mostly. He and Thor had been able to sneak around and see each other during that time, but he'd moved away after graduation. It had been hard on him, too.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

Thor shrugged. “Anyway, I came clean in the letter, gave you the option to never talk to me again, but let you know I couldn’t hide it any longer.”

“And that’s why Odin doesn’t talk to you?”

“That’s why I’m no longer in the will,” Thor corrected grimly. 

Loki gaped. “What?”

“Turns out he could handle my shitty choices for my education, but my feelings for you not so much.”

“That bastard!”

“Loki—”

“That despicable, abhorrent, unfathomably hideous—”

“It’s okay.”

“And you!” Loki looked at him outrage and punched him. “This is my fault and you didn’t tell me? You fucking moron.”

“Loki!” Thor brought himself level and promptly shut him up with a kiss.

“Mmmpfh,” Loki almost protested, but lost his thoughts when Thor’s tongue swiped inside him.

“It’s better this way,” Thor said into his mouth, his thick lashes fluttering against his cheeks as he pulled back, a hand sliding up to grip the back of Loki’s neck possessively. “Okay? Because I love you.”

Loki forgot how to breath in that instant, floundering as he stared up at the earnest adoration that filled every line of his brother’s face. Tears flooded his eyes, this time in relief, in happiness. 

“I love you, too,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “God, I love you so much, Thor.”

“Does this mean you’ll move in with me now?” Thor teased gently, his face split wide in a grin.

“Yes, you idiot,” Loki laughed wetly and rolled his eyes. “And not just because I’m going to be homeless in a few days.”

Thor smiled, his face crinkling in such an endearing manner that Loki couldn’t help but melt into him. He climbed back into his arms and let Thor cocoon him with his heavy limbs, a pleasant weight that pressed him into the mattress. 

“Hey,” he said as a thought occurred to him.

“Yeah?”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Oh, Darcy,” Thor said simply.

“That sly bitch,” Loki snorted fondly, picturing his old party buddy. “You two are impossible.”

For all his bad choices in life, he certainly had a couple solid things going for him, Darcy’s friendship being one of them. 

He settled back warm with happiness, fitting in his brother's arms perfectly as if he’d been meant to be there all along. He’d spent years running from his past, from his adoptive family, from himself, trying to find a place where he fit in and felt at peace. 

Ironically, he should have been looking back where he came from for that. Here, tucked against the warmth of Thor’s skin was where he belonged. It was home. 

Thor was home.

And suddenly he needed him, wanted that burnished gold pressed flush with his pale, but Thor was already there, climbing on top of him with a predatory look in his eye that set Loki on fire. He felt himself grow hard for the second time that day.

“Tell me you love me,” he said softly, pleading to hear the words over and over again. 

Thor’s body rocked against him in unhurried movements, undulating with raw desire. “I love you, little brother.”

Loki’s skin burned. Thor grinned and reached down between them to tease his swelling cock, laughing happily as Loki responded instantly, moaning and arching into his touch. 

“Fuck you,” Loki panted, his eyes shining. 

“Yes, please,” Thor countered smugly. 

Loki surged up to capture his lips, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him down for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH for reading! I hope it was worth the ride and that you enjoyed! 
> 
> Come scream with me on my extremely active [twitter](https://twitter.com/saltybitch_).  
>  
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> As always, please leave comments and let me know what you thought!


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